A "Black Swan Event" is when the unexpected occurs, causing a huge mindshift and change in how the world works. People never imagined that Black Swans existed, until the discovery of the first Black Swan... (as per book "The Black Swan", by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, 2007, that sold over 3 million copies)

Is a perception change the next Black Swan Event? Consider that by changing perception we might change the world. Look at everyday things from different angles. Find beauty in the unexpected...
Change our thinking, change our actions, change our world!

See that all people are part of God's puzzle and have something to give. Black swans do exist. The ugly duckling was actually a swan who needed to discover himself and where he fitted and be who he was meant to be. To the last, the lost and the least, you are beautiful as you are.
May all who visit this page feel God's touch and experience His blessing...

Friday 24 May 2013

Do You Know People You Run From? Is Change Possible? A Few Thoughts...

Change Can Take a Long Time: I heard someone from a large charity organisation speak about healing and change once, and she said for some people change takes a lifetime, but change is possible. She has only seen a few real transformations, and these took the people concerned 10-20 years, until one day something just clicked for each one, and the difference is startling--there is no formula and what works for one person will not work for another. This tells me two things, firstly, people don't always know what they must change and how they must change and what their impact is on others and secondly of course is that a lot of patience is needed. Is tough love the answer? You do get psychopaths and abusers out there, who may never change, and I've seen my share of patterns and probably taken part in them too, but mostly you get a lot of hurting people who project their hurt onto others and see harm reflected back to them. A simple example? I watched a video about a small, fluffy, incredibly dirty dog who was found neglected but she was given a second chance. When she was taken out of the cage the first thing she did is she bit her saviour on his hand. She wouldn't allow anyone near her. She bit in self defense because she expected a hand to hit her or someone to kick her or chase her away. But the man cleaned her up, took her home, showed her love, and she changed and is now a happy family pet. I am sure she still cringes if a hand moves too fast. What would have happened if the man had shut her back in the cage because he worried she would hurt him and had never tried again? What if she was a Rottweiler and not a Maltese Poodle?

Feedback: People need feedback, especially about blindspots. I've often wondered why people avoid giving feedback, but of course people are sensitive to criticism and feedback may hurt. But feedback is a gift and might help someone along on their journey. I have heard people say one needs a relationship to give feedback. Personally I think feedback from a stranger is easier to take. It is complex!

Hinge Moments:
I attended a course on intuition once where Professor Chris Breen spoke of moments where we get a different reaction from the norm and these may be key to change. For example, the dog who got love in spite of her biting, or just the fact that someone persisted with her. Oh, we do need personal boundaries, and danger abounds, but I do believe in unconditional acceptance as one of the biggest hinge moments. There need to be rules laid down, for example, I am not going to reply to your million emails, but I am here for you if you need to chat. A specific Pastor doesn't reply when I have a silly thought, but he is always available to meet with me again and surprised me many times over with another suggestion for a meeting. I always expected each one to be the last. I learnt and grew during the process.

Culture: What may seem like aggression may be cultural differences. For example, I am told many people in Australia avoid speaking openly about conflict. Me? I want to have a discussion to say, what happened and how can we fix it? Of course I also want a discussion because I want to know what gossip may have been told about me--yep, I worry where there may be no cause for it.

Unconditional Acceptance: Acceptance of someone as they are is key to healing and change I believe--just being there for someone. Of course rules must be laid down if the person is inclined to overstep boundaries. And if individuals in personal relationships are unable to practice unconditional acceptance with difficult people, there must surely be professional organisation which does practice this. People need somewhere to turn to, to just have someone listen. I believe it is not so much sessions with a psychologist that brings healing as the unconditional acceptance nature of the relationship. In many counselling, the psychologist does not say much and will never advise in case they give the wrong advice.

I do believe personal change is possible, even with people where this currently seems impossible. And consider that God gives unconditional acceptance, yet He will chasten too.

(Note: this article is a concise summary of some of my other blog posts)

No comments:

Post a Comment